Return of the Dark Lord

[gandalf193]

June 22, The Fourth Age
My Battalion of Rangers and elves were hunting a horde of orcs. While the rest of my balitton were out hunting for food I was pouring over maps to see were the nearest caves were that the orcs might be hidding in. When suddenly a wounded Ranger burst into my tent and said. "Sir you must come see this!" I went outside and saw a dead fellbeast."We killed it while we were hunting, but it took the lives of half our men."an elf said. "What does it mean? We haven't seen one of these since the Third age."said another. "I don't know." I said. "But let's take shelter in the Ash Mts."I said. Once there we made camp and we could see all of Mordor. It was there that my worst fear was relized. The orcs were rebuilding The Dark Tower.
He is back.

[gandalf193]

Okay I posted this on December 1 and now it`s March can someone just give me their opinion about this story?

[Andúnië]

Hmm, this would be a good beginning, I like the kind of ominous suspense. It already sounds interesting, but maybe expand and add a bit more detail. There are a few mechanical errors but other than that it's fine. Are you planning to write more?

[gandalf193]

Thanks Andunie but could you point out the errors? And yes I am planning to write more.

[Andúnië]

Great, I'll be looking foward to reading more. It sounds like an interesting story.

As for errors, it's just a few spelling/punctuation things, nothing serious. Sorry I was being picky. But since you asked, "pouring [over maps]" should be poring, and maybe use commas instead of periods after what people say if there are "he said"s afterwards.

But argh, don't mind me.